A guy goes online looking for brains. He sees a red head brain for $2,000, a brunette brain for $1,000, and a blonde brain for $6,000.The guy asks his friend why the blonde brain is so much and his friend said, "Because it's never been used."

A duck hunter needed a new bird dog, so he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve the duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a true pessimist and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but didn't say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything funny about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim!"

Two rednecks, Jethro and Fester, meet on a country road. Jethro is carrying a big bag labeled, “CHICKENS”."CHICKENES, eh?" says the Fester.
"Hmmmm, if I guesses how many chickens you gots in dat there bag, will you give me one?"
"Heck," says the Jethro, "Iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of em.
"Fester scratches his head and guesses, "Ummmm... five?!!"

What are the last words that a redneck usually says before he dies?
"Hey ya'll. Watch this!"